"Professor Lupine? crap. We're royally doomed."
DOOMED? You mean BOOOMMMM!!!
Then, ka-BOOM! Baldwin went bald and assploded into a zillion peaces! Meanwhile, Prof. Lupine was surging through the facility towards Bison's quarters, young Cockney werewolf man in tow. "Come, Timmus! We've no time to waste!"
"Coming, Professah!" Timmus called, running behind his superior on all fours.
Commander Squissybaloo was in great fear. Then a thought occurred to him. "I've got to figure out a way to get my Terminator Model T-800 through the dimensional portal." Then it occurred to him- he had been entirely neglecting the strength of his own penis! With a righteous tug, he cock-slapped reality at over 9000 miles per hour and opened the portal between this world of 3d to one of 4d and over 5d Unfortunately, preteen-who-just-discovered-Youtube logic did not serve him well. There had to be a different way. Timmus' howling was coming closer.
My, but that was entertaining, wasn't it?
said M. Bison as he observed the fate of poor Squissybaloo.
Then a 1984 DeLorean crashed through the wall and out came Marty McFly and Doc Brown sprinted out and approached Squissybaloo. McFly puked after looking at the bloody remains of Aunt Delia and The Baldwin Family. "Great Scott!" ejaculated Doc Brown. "This is heavy," added McFly.
"Eat a dick!" shouted Squissybaloo. Then everybody farted.
But that didn't compare to what Marty had written on a post-it note, which he had tucked into the glove compartment of the DeLorean. "Stupid penguins. Lame flightless brain stems!" So prophetic! Jim Peplinski played for the Calgary Flames Ice Hockey Club for several years,including when they ascended to the top of the National Hockey League,winning The Stanley Cup in 1989. Those were heady days for Jimmy Peps and the rest of the Flames,days which,sadly,they have been unable to replicate thus far from those salad days. I believe that Mike Vernon was between the pipes for the gallant icers from southern Alberta,but I may be wrong on that.
Hockey in Soutern California has certainly gained a strong foothold,something most knowledgeable hockey fans would have thought impossible back in the days of the California Golden Seals. That abysmal franny was the product of the demented mind of Charlie O Finley,classics example of the self-made American capitalist sociopath. I will not waste further time on this,as you degenerate Americans can bruschetta up on COF at your local library,unless it has been closed by the Tea Party types. Hilliard Graves played for the Seals I believe.
Hockey is for faggots.
"What's all this about Charlie Finley and the Golden Seals?" asked Commander Squissybaloo.
"I'll explain after we go," said Doc Brown. "Just get in the car!" Doc and Marty shoved Squissybaloo into the Delorean. Then the Doc turned to Marty and said, "We'll have to push the car back outside and around the corner. That's the only place we'll have room to get up to eighty-eight miles per hour."
"Sure thing, Doc," said Marty, shoving the Delorean back out of the cell with a strong heave. "But what about TIMMUS and Professor Lupine? We can't just leave them here!"
Now that the car was backed out of the building, Doc yelled to Squissybaloo to turn the steering wheel to the right. He then ran to the back of the car to push from behind. "We'll have to rescue Tim and the Prof later. Don't worry. We have a time machine, so we'll be able to come right back to this same moment to get them."
Doc and Marty pushed the car down the narrow alley toward the street, with Squissybaloo carefully guiding the steering wheel. Doc continued, "Right now it is most important that we take Commander Squissybaloo back to 1970. In that year, Charlie Finley has started a California hockey team called the Golden Seals, and it is wreaking havoc on the timeline."
They reached the street, and jumped into the car, squeezing poor Squissybaloo between them. Doc turned the ignition, slammed his foot down on the pedal, and the wheels skidded as the car took off. Marty asked, "So how badly has the timeline been messed up?"
Doc said, "Are you familiar with Nurse Julie and Valmorx?"
"Yes," said Marty. "She thinks he's an idiot. She's right, of course."
"That's how it is in the normal timeline. However, thanks to the Golden Seals, those two are now married," said Doc. Marty and Squissybaloo gasped in shock. The Delorean reached eighty-eight miles per hour. With a crack and a flash of light, the car disappeared, leaving behind two flaming tire-tracks.