put one arm around the former German dictator, and spoke reassuringly to him. "I'm sorry Adolf but... May I call you Adolf?"
"Listen Adolf. The time has come for you to face the truth. You don't really want to kill any Jews, now do you?"
Hitler straightened up and looked defiant. "But of course I do! I am ze world's foremost anti-semite! Everyone knows zat!"
Ralph shook his head and spoke calmly. "Now, now. Let's talk about what's really upsetting you. You wanted to get into art school, but they rejected you because they didn't think your paintings were good enough. It hurt your feelings so much that now you're just lashing out."
Hitler's lower lip trembled. "Zat is not true! I... I never really wanted to go to zat art school anyway. It iz a stupid school. I'm glad I didn't go to..." He paused as he tried to maintain his composure. Then he burst into loud sobs and wails as tears gushed from his eyes, ran down his face and poured off his little mustache. "But WHY!" he cried. "I wanted SO much to be an artist of beautiful paintings! I did my very best to get in! How could they look at the works of my heart and soul and say they weren't good enough? How? Why?" He buried his face in Ralph's shirt and soaked it with his tears.
Ralph kept his arm around him until the former dictator calmed down enough to listen. Gently he said, "Don't worry. We all go through little setbacks like that. Why, when I got kicked off the high school Trivial Pursuit team, I was so devastated I tried to commit genocide against all of the world's Estonians. But you know what? I put that behind me. It doesn't matter how many times you get knocked down as long as you pick yourself back up. Nowadays, I'm a champion Trivial Pursuit player, and some of my closest friends are Estonians. The time has come for you to put that art school rejection behind you and forget about all this anti-semitic nonsense. Nobody really believes any of that junk anyway. Here, use my handkerchief so you don't get my shirt all messy."
Hitler sat up straight and wiped his face dry. "Thank you. You are so right. I vill put aside all of zis 'Mein Kampf' silliness and I vill return to my real passion: painting. I vill practice and practice until I'm so good, art schools around ze world vill be begging me to apply!"
"That's the spirit!"
derp. derp. derpderpderpderp. derp. keep on derping, loser.
Meanwhile, while you do that, I'm going to crap my pants and die, then drink the diarrhea, in that order. How are you people in my brain? My innermost thoughts appear on this page constantly. How do you do that? Did you hack into my mind?
I did! You really should protect your mind with a better password. "Chair"? Really?
Something like "crappedmypantsanddiedTHEEND" would be more difficult to crack.
there is no writter's block a pantomime like me can't forge past. i am creative writting and typing this is going to get me in troubnle at work. i will spam mssg this server in revenge if i get fired.
usless hi-koo (for those who can't spell who don't like english anyways)
the repeating word
of 4chan psycho paths
is causing my soul illness
god bless! - siobhan
My, but that was entertaining, wasn't it?
When I ate the sausage that, unknown to me, had been laced with a laxative, I ended up crapping my pants. And dying. THE END
Or is it? For a stranger astride a majestically crafted tricycle had rode to the service of an old woman. They would remain strangers, for he had taken more of an interest in her grandson.
Her grandson was Donald Trump, and the stranger wanted him to become the President. You see, the stranger was a cheese-grater salesman, and Trump had promised he would make America grate again. The salesman figured that would help his business. But he also considered voting for Evan McMullin.
I had some toast. It tasted horrible , before I realized anything I was choking. I wanted air so badly. Then I started crying knowing ill never have that jam donut in the kitchen then all of a sudden a mysterious object popped out my mouth. I could breathe! I looked at the object it was a piece of toast of course. Then I started to bleed to death...
While I was bleeding to death, Presidential Candidate Evan McMullin ran in and began giving me first aid. He managed to stop the bleeding and dialed 911. While he was explaining the situation to the responder, Donald Trump stepped in, pointed at me, and said, "Let him bleed! Can't you see he's an Islamic Extremist?" Hillary Clinton looked in the window and shook her head sadly.