massfiction title graphic
Mass Fiction is a long running collaborative fiction effort.

Show
words ...

the life and times of Terry Sawchuk,perhaps the most insane great goaltender in professional hockey,so i will not do so again.Instead I shall move on to yet another example of that peculiar breed-Glenn Hall.

Glenn Hall was a great goaltender,one of the all-time best,but he was mortified of the consequences of his chosen trade,so much so that he would vomit before every game!Can you imagine the damage to his esophagus,after almost 20 years of continual vomiting,of caustic stomach acid burning his throat? And then he would face Bobby Hull's slapper without a mask!

I see where ass clown defensive backs in the National Football League("NFL") are bitching each other as to who is the best,the toughest,etc. What a complete joke. A player in a sport where you only hit and do not get hit has no standing to talk about toughness.The NFL is a travesty in any event,unless you consider punching your fiancee senseless in a casino elevator to be somehow palatable.

As for the New York Islanders,it is always tough to predict that team.

Dave "The Turdhammer" Schultz was one of the dirtiest pants-shitting hockey players in the history or the sport. One of the infamous "Broad Street Dookies" of the 1970s Flyers, Schultz was so dirty from his enormously messy on-ice bowel movements that his white home-jersey was almost completely brown by the end of a memorable game. The completely soiled jersey and shorts are on display at the Shorts-Crapping Hockey Hall of Fame in the city of Toronto, home to multitudes of smug douchebags. the childish obsession with bowel movements and feminine hygiene products began to greatly distract from the last threads of any semblance of what was once a cohesive and enjoyable narrative...and the Atomic Cow(tm) was frustrated that the lack of opposable thumbs prevented her from contributing to the story easily...she had tried her hoof at typing out a few clever ideas that had seemed very funny to her bovine sensibilities but she had only managed to crush thirty-five keyboards in a row and the retail warranty on replacements had eventually been denied. She had not liked that...the electronics employee had been rather smug and condescending at the time as he informed her that their policy did not extend to replacing keyboards that had been broken by the negligence of bovine incompetence...that had been his first mistake...the second one had been the ill-advised layout of the stores departments that thought it would be a jolly good idea to have the electronics department next to the really expensive and highly breakable glassware department...

Hockey is for faggots.

Sure, regular hockey is for faggots, but Shorts-Crapping hockey is for those who are not faggots.

MY PENIS HURTS!!!!! MY PENIS HURTS!!!!!

MY PENIS HURTS!!!!!

?

Why, penis?

Why?

?

Anson Carter was a sturdy winger for several National Hockey League squads and one of the few players of colour in The Game.No doubt,some rubberhead in Alabama would happen upon a hockey game on The Deuce,perhaps mistakenly thinking it was time for the Top Fuel Drag Racing Hour,and remark "Hey Ma,lookie here! Its that Potsie feller from Happy Days playin' that goldurn hockey game!" Well Cletus,I guess you can be forgiven for mistaking Anson Carter for Anson Williams,but as for your incest and slothfulness,thats not something that I really want to even consider,not even briefly.

It will be interesting to see whether a change of scenery will benefit Jason Spezza. The long-time Ottawa hockeyist is now plying his ice for the Dallas Stars franny.As for Alex Ovechkin,that Russian clown is a disgrace to hockey. Fifty goals and a -35 plus/minus? Are you kidding me? Is that even statistically possible?

Hockey is for faggots.

Sure, regular hockey is for faggots, but Shorts-Crapping hockey is for those who are not faggots.

Why, penis?

Why?

?

Mike Modano was one of the Dallas Stars' most consistent shitters until his recent retirement. "Regular Mike" was his nickname, and his streak of 53 straight games with at least one turd escaping his shorts and staining the ice brown may never be repeated.

?

THE VALMORX BOWEL MOVEMENT REPORT

Dear Commander,

Per your orders, I, Valmorx, Submit this update on my last bowel movement.

It was a most difficult day. I, Valmorx, decided to remain nude in my domocile. Unfortunately, I produced a bowel movement on my kitchen floor. Because I was having odd reactions to my psychoactive drugs, I attempted to clean the feces by squirting Hershey's Chocolate Syrup throughout the kitchen. It sounds illogical, but it was just one of those days. I decline to offer the details of my further efforts to clean the kitchen.

This concludes this edition of The Valmorx Bowel Movement Report.

...contribute to our story.

 

Here's where you can contribute. Type something into the box below. Take the story wherever you want. End in the middle of a sentence and the next author can continue from there. Or not. Only the mundane and the idiotic* is disallowed.

I am not a spammer: 

* HTML tags are allowed. Type <P> or press return a couple times to separate paragraphs. Please do not use extravagant html or post anything overly offensive. If you try to disrupt our fun, you will be banished from this web site. Only one submission at a time. Massfiction won't let you add two submissions in a row.

Too many dirty words? Try the Nice or Naughty filter.