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I spent most of the night from 1 a.m. on the couch in front of the TV watching UFO documentaries. I've always been fascinated by that stuff.

Anyways, when I finally produced a bowel movement, suffice to say it was an experience worthy of recording. I really felt cleansed inside, and it felt great, and I feel no bloat in my gut today. The amount of gas was extraordinary. I still had gas most of this morning too. Farted a lot in the break room at work when no one else was around, and they were loud ones at that. Glad no one was around to hear or I would have been embarrassed. And that brings me back here to this arcade where I let out a doozie."

Ralph seemed satisfied with the explanation. "Hey, that's a great story..... hey man, you got any more quarters? I really want to play this Hitler game again, it's so much fun!"

He got 50 cents, and put it into the machine. Instantly he was transported to Germany in 1943. Hitler walked down the street bitchslapping the jews, telling them to leave his country or else. Then suddenly someone tapped Ralph on the shoulder from behind.

"Not now, I'm busy kicking the jews out of my country," Ralph said aloud without turning around to see who it was. He then heard a loud german phrase coming from a man standing right behind him. He stopped playing the game, turned around and saw.... the REAL HITLER! IN REAL LIFE!

"Whoa, man.....I thought you died in a bunker somewhere...."

"Zees is nonsense. I have been uploaded to a cloning machine, and I can make copies of myself whenever I want. I am ze most hated man in ze universe, thanks to ze filthy jews and their holocaust lies. I am building an army to invade Israel. I have ze muslims and christians as my allies, but ze jews do not know zees. over the years i have been compiling all ze ancient sacred texts and ze beliefs of the jews, and translating it to english. soon it will all be revealed, and the world will know the identities of the satan worshippers."

But in a twist of fate, little did Ralph know that Hitler actually WAS satan, the angel of light. The jews were actually worshipping hitler. the official story is that hitler was created in heaven by satan, and then sent down to earth to create a master race in the 1940's. The jews think they are god's chosen people, but even they do not know exactly which god it is that created them.

"I can train you into a soldier if you want, but something tells me you eat too many donuts. Zat can be fixed in no time." Hitler led Ralph back to his Mercedes, where he had three 17 year old girls waiting. They drove to At least you're trying, but what is this stupid bullshit? Are you people stuck in your retarded and unimaginative routines?

Yes, we are, obviously.

... The truth was the elephant in the room. No one, not even Ralph, knew of Hitler's secret desire to pet Donald Trump's fine golden baby-hair. It was quiet, illicit, and all-consuming. Hitler attempted to be a powerful figure of composure during the day, but the sight of that glorious wind-swept comb over atop the orange sweaty man was more than a distraction. It was an obsession. The hair was all there was and he had to get his hands on it or die.

Thought the mouthbreather, "oh, I must share this!" ...

And so Spencer did just that. He shared a selfie of his newest haircut. He recoiled in horror at the response. You see, this "new" hairstyle was the same one that Spencer had back in 1992.

"Derp! Feel the Bern!" he said as people pointed and laughed. But Spencer carried on with his 1990s Morrissey style.

thank you! Your lack of imagination makes all two of us who are paying attention feel superior!

You really are stuck in your retarded and unimaginative routines, aren't you?

Yesssssssssssssssssssss........ my preciousssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

Hitler, Ralph, and the three girls cruised down the highway in Hitler's Mercedes. A large grey van sped by them doing at least 120 mph, so Hitler sped up to catch up with the van. He looked inside and saw Richard Simmons behind the wheel. The two rode side by side for a few minutes, Richard gave hitler the heil salute.

Then the cops showed up, chasing both hitler and richard. A secret compartment opened up on the back of hitler's car, and a cannon came out pointed at the cop car. It fired shots of green goo, covering the windshield so the cops couldn't see. The cops were forced to slow down, and hitler got off at the nearest exit. richard sped on down the highway.

Hitler rolled down Main St of Nashville, Tennessee.

"Ralph, get out and scope out ze area. I'll drive around ze block."

Hitler parked at a seven eleven convenience store, and went inside to buy some processed deli meats. The three girls got out and started pickpocketing people.

keep on derping, loser.

You really are trapped in an uncreative pantomine, aren't you?

Yesssssssssssssss ...contribute to our story.

 

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