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"Oh wait", he thought: "still getting to grips with this height thing".
He attempted to repeat his initial statement, but it fell on deaf nostrils.
No matter! I'm ...where am I?!! I would have recalled this in the brochure...".
But of course, it hadn't been in any brochure at all. In fact, a brochure could never have ever been aware of the miraculous sight that all at one befell his tired eyes....
"This looks shit!", he exclaimed. "And what's that blue purple neon car thing over there, that's not a real thing, now is it?! Preposterous Flabberdash!!!".
"No, I'm not having this one bit", he said, unwilling to have a bit, "If this is what can be expected, I shouldn't think I'd venture upon death ever again!".
At this point it was becoming apparent that Gandelf had altered tongue somewhat, and all those oddly fluorescent eyes in the local bushes were clearly starting to wonder if he'd even SEEN the films!
"That's not im!", says one, swiftly followed by another: "Look at the state of it, he must be..." "...Have you heard any Suzi Quatro?", "Shut up, he's moving!"
"I'd better find out were the good gracious fuck I am, before the hungry wolves do seek me for their supper or some shit", Gandelf uttered, trying to access an inkling of his surroundings. "Why am I talking like this?"
Bush eyes: "Told ya! ...Wait sshhh, he's gonna do something....".
Gandelf: "I should probably do something. I know, I'll...
"Oi, hairytwatface!", Gandelf looked around, "Yeah, you with the hippy hamster face, you won't get through customs with that thing!
"I'm sorry?!", gan"You should be at these rates! Anyway, what can I do ya for, blud?".
"W---What?!!! I I don't.. Who are you???", Gandelf expounded in his best perplexed manner.
"Wot? I bloody told you, mate. Customs".
Gandelf: "Yes, but what are these customs of which you speak? I'd be happy to..."
Trim: "Look mate, I'm. Just here to see that you don't take sumfin from one place, that shouldn't be in another. That's all. Don't know what you're squealin' about".
Gandelf: "...Trim?"
Trim: "Yeah, well, me parents had low hopes ...wait, I haven't told you my name!
In very fact, I'm precisely inaugurated to not supply my private Google information!!!"
Gandelf: "Wizard".
Trim: "Oh".
Gandelf: "Yeah". ....Anyway, where am I supposed to be going to? If it's anyt.."
Trim: "Anywhere you want, mate. Anytime Anyplace Anywhere! D'ya like that? I came up with it a few months from now, but the uppers aren't interested.."
Gandelf: "You mean to tell me that I could go to any place at any when?!!"
Trim: "...Shame really... Thought it had a ring to it, but sure, whatever.
More than that though. 'Ere how many decisions have you made in your life?
Gandelf: W..Well many, some that have have decided the very course of..."
Trim: "Yeah yeah, we all do that everyday, bigman. Well, there's that sideway destination too. Every decision creates a new branch on the Tree of life. Ha, can you believe some people thought the problem was an apple? I found that.."
Gandelf: But you mean to say that there is a new universe for every decision?!!"
Trim: Yeah, but don't spread it, some people like to take the piss, and the admins a fucking nightmare ...Where do you wanna go?!!!

Gandalf decided he wanted to go to India. He brought Frodo and Smokey along with him.

"All right, just step through this metal detctor here...."

BEEP BEEP BEEP!

"You there, the hobbit. What's that in your handbag?"

"What, this?" asked Frodo, pulling out of his bag the rotting head of a dead cop. "It's just a good luck charm."

"why would a dead cop's head set off a metal detector? is he wearing braces?"

"No, silly," said Frodo. "Must be the dozen bullets I pumped into the pig's head. The only good cop is a dead cop, you know."

That's very true," said the guard. "A cop is nothing but a criminal with a badge. And a coward, too. But I'll have to confiscate those bullets."

Gandalf stepped up and waved his hand in front of the guard's face. "These are not the bullets you're looking for."

"These are not the bullets I'm looking for," repeated the guard.

"You will let the hobbit pass."

"You may pass," the guard told Frodo.

Pull the fucking plug, Gene!

Smokey the Bear then stepped through the metal detector.

BEEP BEEP BEEP!

"Excuse me, but what are you carrying on that utility belt?"

Smokey produced his ax, a radio, a fire extinguisher, and ...contribute to our story.

 

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