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Mass Fiction is a long running collaborative fiction effort.

words ...

People in the theater were actually screaming and groaning out loud!!

The poor lady sitting next to me vomited!

Tom Grant played for the Detroit Red Wings in the early nineteen seventies. The Winged Wheels were suffering through an extended period of poor teams, but Grant was a serviceable player, along with Mickey Redmond who was actually a terrific goal scorer. Joe Daley was between the pipes, perhaps the last goaltender to play without a mask.. Can you fathom that Cletus? America- Land of Ass Hats.

Hockey is for faggots.

Spam spam, sensuous spam. When was the last time you sank your 1950s middle upper class American suburbanite dad teeth into a good old-fashioned hunk of ultra-processed, highly salted pork product? Too long ago, I'd imagine! Probably the last time you visited the Dimmsdale Dimmadome, where spam and spam accessories are sold by the bushel by the one and only Hank Hill.


My, but that was entertaining, wasn't it?

Ken and Joe continued on to Pomboland. Their future was in front them. In back of them was a trail of diarrhea. I didn't know that so many of you were gay diarrhea drinkers. And gay self-impalers on fences. And gay pants crappers. And gay diers. THE END

Perhaps gun ownership can become mandatory in America, so huckleberries like Cletus can bring their guns to hockey games and kill people there. That would be fun , wouldn't it Cletus? You and you fellow Floridians could bring machine guns to ice hockey games! I do not k ow whether George "Punch" Imlach would like that. Punch was an uber-successful coach with Toronto and Buffalo, but was a total prick. He was blamed for driving Frank Mahovlich out of the Maple Leafs Organization. Bob Errey once had 7 points in a playoff game for the Pittsburgh Penguins.

"God, I hate penguins!" Joe said. "Not THE Penguins, but penguins in general. Stupid flightless asshats."

"Right, who wears a tuxedo every day?" Ken wondered.

They both saw the sign at the same time. POMBOLAND 1/2 MILE AHEAD.

"POMBOLAND!!!" Both Ken and Joe broke into a run, trying to be the first to cross the border into Pomboland. But they had no idea there was a border guard stationed there.

"Passport?! Do you know who I am?" Joe demanded.

"You've got to let us in!" Ken said.

The guard was shocked. "Wait. Ken? THE Ken? Go, both of you, go in! The prophecy has been fulfilled! Ken has come back!"

Joe was in awe. All this time, he thought being the badass soldier would take him far. But it was all Ken.

Ken led Joe to a deserted dirt road. Back in the woods was a small but strong-looking cabin. They went inside and were greeted by a figure all in black. "Oh Thriteen, my brothers!" he said.

"Thirteen indeed" said Ken, as Joe looked on in awe. "We meet at least. Are the plans in place?"

"They are" said the figure, who made an effort to remain in the shadows. "Welcome, Joe, your skills will be of use as well."

"Let the battle begin" said the figure in black, motioning to the room behind him. "Gear up and let's rock."

"Hey, one catch here" said Ken. "Beauregard already died, fell into a hole in the ground. It was weird."

"Fuck." said the figure in black. "We'll deal, it saves us some ammo. Where'd Spencer go?"

"Wait, Spencer?" Ken interrupted. "How is Spencer involved? He ordered 100 dildos from my store and skipped out on the bill."

Gary Doak, defenseman for a number of National Hockey League squads, has passed away. A stalwart rearguard, The Doaker played throughout the nineteen seventies, icing it up for about fifteen years in total. That is very impressive, and my condolences to his family. Doak guy, Doak man. The Doaker.

Harvey "Busher" Jackson, Maple Leaf great.

Hockey is for faggots.

Watched a bit of the vaunted NCAA basketball tournament. I must say, March Madness left me cold. Boring! Not at all like the fast-paced, action-packed world of professional ice hockey! I mean, Don Cherry may be a horses ass, but he's not an imbecile like Dick Vitale. Fuck ballon pannier!

Hockey is for faggots.

All of a sudden Rick Rolls came flying in on a tiger along with Nick Cage...

Gratuitous ellipses are for faggots.

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