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time-trip will never happen in this timestream.
Thanks again to my Commander, who rescued me from the Nick of Time again.
He felt satisfied for the moment; he'd embellish the report with more details later, when he could generate more "ink."

So Valmorx stumbled around the city park for awhile. Then he crapped his pants, but strangely remained alive. "I never thought that was possible!" though an amazed Valmorx.

He began dancing around the park singing "I crapped my pants and I sur-vived!" to the tune of "I kissed a girl and I liked it".

Ron Popeil was nearby and heard Valmorx singing of his victory over certain death and was moved to tears. Popeil approached Valmorx and demanded "Did you really crap your pants? Prove it! Valmorx invited Ron Popeil to smell his posterior. The founder of Ronco and famous TV pitchman took a deep whiff of Valmorx's britches and grinned from ear to ear. "We can make a lot of money! I want you to be a motivational speaker. If you can convince people that it is possible to survive crapping your own pants, you can convince them of how great my products are!"

Valmorx asked if the Ronco product "Mr. Microphone" was capable of communication across dimensions of time and space. Popeil was already one step ahead of Valmorx. He knew that in reality, people die first and then crap their pants.

Enough is enough. We need more Sherlock Holmes. And Watson. And the partnership between Valmorx and Aunt Delia. Dude, that ran its course. True, it did. Though a Valmorx revenge on Holmes plot might be an interesting idea. This hospital thing's gone too far, and already the "crap pants" guy is back. That's a very bad sign, it is. Next thing you know, we'll all be crapping each other's pants. And dying. THE END

My, but that was entertaining, wasn't it?

But anyhoo, Valmorx asked Ron Popeil if he happened to have a spare "Mr. Microphone" on him. Ron reached into his knapsack and pulled out a "Mr. Microphone" kit.

Popeil hooked up a boombox, spoke into Mr. Microphone and winked at Valmorx. "Hey good looking, I'll be back to pick you up later!" said Popeil into Mr. Microphone. He chucked and handed it to Valmorx.

Valmorx fiddled with it for about half a minute, then beckoned into it "Calling all time travelers of the 75th vortex." This is Valmorx calling. Over." They heard nothing but static. Valmorx tried again. "I repeat, this is Valmorx. I am summoning all time travelers of the 75th Vortex.!!"

Then a faint response was heard through the boombox. "Valmorx, is that you? It's me, Aunt Delia. I am being held hostage by The Hound of the Baskvervilles. Is there any way you can get here. Sherlock Holmes is a........." then Aunt Delia faded out.

Valmorx was desperate and appealed to Ron Popeil "Are you sure that you never invented a time machine to sell on late night TV infomercials?" "As a matter of fact, I did!" Ron Popeil made a time machine appear out of thin air with his magical TV pitchman powers. "I took the liberty of setting its destination to the Victorian Era just for you, Valmorx."

But Popeil's time machine was made in China of plastic. It was not as accurate or well built as the far more advanced time machine that Valmrox was used to. Valmorx asked Popeil "Are you sure this is set for the Victorian era?"

"Sure, whatever. Just set it and forget it!" replied Popeil. Valmorx was not convinced but he had no choice. He entered the cheap plastic Ronco Time Machine and pressed the power button. Nothing happend. Popeil slapped his own head and said "Silly me, I forgot to insert the batteries." He proceeded to pull 15 9-volt batteries from his knapsack and said "Try again, Valmorx."

Valmorx pushed the power button and heard it buzzing to life a bit. He looked out of the chamber and Popeil was getting younger before his eyes, then the time machine started to rotate, just like the Ronco Rotisserie Oven. Vamlmorx was feeling queasy, then everything turned black as the machine came to a sudden stop.

A few seconds later, Valmorx saw light outside of the passenger chamber of the time machine. And to Valmorx's surprise he was in Victorian era Great Britain. "The damned thing worked!" observed an amazed Valmorx. Valmorx then felt buzzing in his pocket. He still had the Mr. Micorphone, and he heard static coming out of it. Then a voice beckoned "Valmorx, are you there?" It was Aunt Delia. This time the signal was loud and clear.

Valmorx spoke into it. "Delia, I'm here now. Where are you?"

Aunt Delia spoke clearly "Valmorx, I am going to provide you with exact directions to my location. Please hurry, The Hound of the Baskervilles has already raped Sherlock Holmes." ...contribute to our story.


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